A SAD FAREWELL

 Sunday, April 7, 2024

After the terrific party on Saturday, Sunday took on a completely different tone.

We all got up and attended the church service. Silvia, Toshi, and Kim were warmly welcomed. Many of those in attendance had been at the party the day before and were still in a celebratory mood.

We returned a couple of hours later for a much more solemn occasion.

The time had come to celebrate the life of our Japanese daughter, and Toshi’s wife, Kae.

Unfortunately, some of the people who knew her were unable to attend, but quite a few of the church people and some of the folks who were part of our writing group came. (Kae and Toshi had sat in on our meetings several times when they were here visiting.) As always, the most important people were there.

Rev. Bob Schwenck facilitated the service since Pastor Leanne Strommen was out of town. This seemed appropriate since Bob not only knew Kae and Toshi from their frequent visits, but he conducted their wedding in the same church in 2003.

He threw Kim a curve ball by asking her to read the 23^rd Psalm. (He was supposed to read it, but he thought it would mean more if Kim read it. I had asked the family if they wished to speak several days earlier. Larry said he wouldn’t be able to get through it. So did Kim and Toshi.)

Kim got through it but with lots of emotion. Kae was her dear sister, and they were close.

I had known I wanted to tell everyone what Kae had meant to me and to our family. I’d spent many sleepless nights during the previous month trying to edit all the things I’d wanted to say about this precious member of our family. I finally decided just to speak spontaneously.

I told about how I had only given birth to one child but how we had acquired quite a few others through the years. The first foreign student in our home was with us that morning. Silvia had arrived the week after we moved into our new home in Dana Point in 1987. She was followed by Yuka, Yasuko, Yuko, Fumiko, Yoshiko, and another Fumiko. Our last one came in the spring of 1998. Kim hosted a student, Ikue, and her neighbors, the McKinneys, hosted another, Kae. Because they lived so close, the three girls spent a lot of time together—much of it at our house. (I always said we got three for the price of one with this group!)

My mother provided quite a bit of their transportation since Larry and I and Kim were all working at the time. She fell in love with all three of them. She couldn’t remember their Japanese names, so she referred to them by their characteristics. Ikue was “the little one” since she was short like Kim. Fumiko was “the funny one” since she had a great sense of humor and loved to laugh. Kae was “the pretty one.”

1998 California – Kae, Lorna, Ikue, Fumiko

Later that summer, we moved to Osaka, Japan to build the Universal Studios Japan theme park. During our stay, we saw all but one of “our kids.” We saw Kae and her then-boyfriend the most often as they visited us about once a month.

When we returned, Toshi worked for a company which required him to make trips to the US. Whenever he came, he tried to extend his trips to spend time with us. He sometimes brought Kae with him.

Even though they were legally married in Japan, they wanted their wedding in California. So in 2003, they were married in our church.

Wedding 2023

They continued to visit us whenever they could, and our home in Dana Point became their second home.

On our anniversary in 2010, the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. Toshi was calling from the hospital. Kae had collapsed and was not expected to survive. All we could do from the distance was promise to pray for her. And we asked the church prayer chain to join us. Despite the “less than 5% chance” her neurosurgeon gave her of surviving, she not only recovered by thrived. And she (and he) credited all the prayers for the miracle.

A couple of years later, she became a Cordon Bleu chef. The next time she visited, she prepared a beautiful four-course meal for us and our friends.

Chef Kae

In April of 2022, she was supposed to start a class toward completing her master’s degree. Instead, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and entered the hospital.

By June, Toshi began talking about bringing her home to California one last time. However, her doctor would not clear her to fly until October. As she entered our house, she smiled at me. “Mom, I’m home.” And for her, this was the place she considered “home” more than anywhere else.

On December 20^th, Toshi texted me that she had lost consciousness. A few hours later, he called Larry. “She’s gone.”

I suggested perhaps he could bring her ashes here and spread them at Dana Point. He told me he had a note in her writing making this request.

And this was the day.

Even though Toshi had initially said he couldn’t speak, he changed his mind. His words were articulate and heartfelt as he described this beautiful soul.

Then Rev. Bob read a scripture and a poem he had written for her.

We then showed the memorial video about Kae. https://youtu.be/RJw-NYz3dBU

Following the service, we gathered at our home for a small reception. Then we proceeded to the marina to board a catamaran to take us out to sea so we could spread her ashes.

Larry had reserved the small catamaran, and fourteen of us went out beyond the breakwater just before sunset. Just as he had for my mother and my brother, Larry released her ashes into the ocean.

I had taken a basket of roses to the church for the service, and we tossed them into the water. https://youtu.be/lUBfjQ-eSYk

Larry’s brother and sister-in-love, Casey and Lucy, could not join us, but the rest of us went to dinner at the Wind and Sea in the Marina. We had kept our promise to Kae.

 

The Rest of the Week

On Monday, we spent time with all three of our kids.

Silvia, Toshi, Lorna, Larry, Kim on our front steps

We delivered Toshi to the airport for his 7:30 a.m. flight on Tuesday morning, after which, Silvia, Kim, and we went to breakfast at Mollie’s in San Juan Capistrano (Kim’s favorite breakfast pace).

Then we went down to the Outlets in San Clemente, where Kim and Silvia bought a few gifts to take home with them.

We ate an early dinner at Harpoon Henry's and then went to the point to take a photo.

Silvia, Lorna, Larry, Kim at Dana Point

Silvia was supposed to have left on Wednesday, but there was a mix-up about her flight time. She was supposed to fly to Hong Kong for a couple of days to visit a friend. However, it worked out okay since her friend was ill. Silvia’s travel agent was able to book her on a different flight leaving on Thursday afternoon.

We were able to spend a little more time with her and enjoyed it. Then, on Thursday, we drove her down to LAX with plenty of time before her flight.

Since we had all day Friday to spend with Kim, we got her a ticket to Disneyland and spent the day with her there. We all enjoyed both parks, as always.

Saturday was her day to do laundry and repack for her trip home to Texas. She had a 7:45 a.m. flight out of John Wayne, so we got her there by six. She had an uneventful trip.

The house seemed quite empty when we returned. We had thoroughly enjoyed having all three of the kids with us. After the very busy week before, we were determined to rest and relax for a couple of days.

Post Script

As Toshi requested, we made arrangements for her to have a rose bush planted in the church's memorial rose garden. We talked about getting one called Yokohama, but we discovered this Japanese hybrid can not be exported to the US. Instead, we agreed on Disneyland Floribunda since the trip to Disneyland was on her bucket list and we had made it happen for her.

Last week, the bush was planted, near the arbor where she took pictures on her last visit and right next to "Grandma" where she would have wanted to be. The marker is on order and should be in place when Toshi visits next.

Kae's rose bush

Kae will live in our hearts forever, and we will think of her each time we visit the rose garden.