Another Farewell

On Tuesday afternoon, while checking Facebook, a strange post showed up saying our dear friend Suzi O had passed away. I couldn’t believe it. So, I messaged the person who made the post. It was true. I was blindsided.

 

We knew her in high school as Elaine Benioff. She was in Larry’s class, two years ahead of me. My best friend was in the same class, and I knew many of her friends. (At his reunions, I often have had to tell him who the people were because I knew more of them than he did.)

 

I remembered her because of her gorgeous long, blonde hair.

We attended Larry’s 20^th class reunion in the fall of 1982. On the Sunday morning, following the big celebration on Saturday night, many of us ate brunch in the hotel. We sat with Elaine, now called Suzi. (In high school, she used her middle name. After she graduated, she switched to her first name: Susan. It morphed into Suzi. Her married name was Osborne.) During the meal, we found out she lived on Maui. We had planned a trip there not long after the reunion, so we made arrangements to visit her while we were there.

At the time, she ran a small newspaper, and we met her in the office. She also had become a minister and conducted weddings. Her logo read: Get Married on Maui. She did this for many years. We spent the afternoon with her and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. From then on, we visited with her each time we went.

 

We attended their subsequent high school reunions and always spent time with Suzi. She was pure joy and a bright light. We looked forward to being with her. We laughed a lot.

 

When she came to Orange County, she often stayed with us and made our house her headquarters.

 

Suzi experienced a house fire and lost her home. She put whatever remained in storage and moved back to Fresno, California. Her mother had started having health issues, so Suzi felt she was needed here.

 

She began to make one or two trips to Bali each year, getting to know people and buying handcrafted items from the local artists: bags, clothing, scarves, tablecloths, jewelry, wooden carvings, gift items etc. (If you read the book Eat, Pray, Love, you may remember the guru mentioned in the book. Suzi knew him. She showed us pictures and told stories about him.)

 

She arranged for “Bali Boutiques,” hosted in private homes (sort of like Tupperware parties), where she sold her wares. I hosted several of these for her and invited my friends. The best part of hosting was having her stay here. She usually arrived the day before, and we played. She often stayed for a few days afterward, and we had more opportunities for fun.

 

In August of 2010, we held an Arts Festival at our church. When I mentioned it to Suzi, she immediately said she wanted to take part. She secured a space and sold her items there. She did very well.

 

The day of the festival was my birthday. I stopped by her booth and pointed out a couple of items I really liked. Unbeknownst to me, she talked Larry into getting me a gorgeous blue stone pendant. I love it and have worn it often.

 

By the next time she came, she had found new venues: senior living centers. Some worked well for her. Others, not so much. But her joie de vis was contagious. She genuinely loved people, and they were attracted to her. On one trip down to Orange County, one of her senior homes cancelled. She asked if I knew of any. I told her about the one my mother had lived in, and she made arrangements for a show there. I went along with her since I still knew many of the residents and staff. We spent a fun day. I don’t think she made too much money, but she charmed everyone, and we laughed a lot.

 

In 2012, they celebrated their 50^th class reunion. The party was held in Balboa. We invited Suzi to stay with us, but she wasn’t even sure she could make it because her mom wasn’t doing well. She said she’d meet us at the party, which she did.

She left early to drive straight back to Fresno. Her mother died shortly thereafter, and she moved back to Maui, the place she loved best.

 

In 2015, Larry and I celebrated our fiftieth wedding anniversary. A week later, we left for a two-week vacation in Hawaii. Our first stop was Maui, where we stayed a week with Suzi. She had planned activities for every day we were with her. She got tickets for Noises Off at the local theater. Suzi was very active in the theater, appearing on stage several times,

 

We joined some of the other theater folks for dinner before the show. We really enjoyed this delightful farce.

 

On Friday night, Kahului held a street fair with food and music and booths. Mostly, we walked the main street with her as Suzi met and greeted friends. We became convinced she knew everyone on the island.

Another day, we arranged to have brunch with the gentleman who inspired the protagonist of our mysteries, Agapé Jones. We invited Suzi to join us. Not too surprisingly, she and he already knew each other as well as many mutual friends.

 

We were plotting a new mystery at the time and were looking for a senior living facility on Maui to include in the book. I had mentioned this to her before we arrived. Being Suzi, she’d arranged for a tour of the best facility on the island, where her friend was the director.

 

On Saturday morning, we went to the marketplace at the college. I found a beautiful caftan and several gift items. Larry bought a T-shirt.

 

Later that evening, she hosted a potluck party. Included were some of the same people with whom we had eaten dinner the night of the play. We took part in one of her traditional games: a version of charades where we acted out the names of famous people. We broke into two teams. Although some of the players were quite competitive, it was more about the camaraderie and laughs. Oh, and the great food. We stayed up late because no one wanted to go home.

 

In 2017, Larry’s class held their 55^th reunion. Suzi came and stayed with us. She arrived early, and we spent some time with her. We attended the event together, and had a great time, as always.

2017 – Photo by Gary Bosley

The following morning, she left to see Fr. Ed Benioff (a cousin, I think) installled as pastor of Church of the Good Shepherd in L.A.  She took a dedicated copy of our book "The Memory Keeper" to him as a gift.

She later went to a spa near San Diego. While there, she ran into our friend, the inspiration for our retired detective. We didn’t know he was in town and didn’t see him, but she did.

 

Last October, they held a 75^th birthday party for the class. Suzi had planned to come, and we had expected her to stay with us. Unfortunately, she had to cancel. Her landlord wanted her to move so he could rent the house to a family member.

 

While in the moving process, she fell and broke her back. Thank goodness, she had great friends who helped her with the move and took care of her until she healed.

 

Through the years, we remained in touch through email and Facebook.

 

Her birthday parties became legendary on Maui. We always received an invitation, but somehow, the timing never worked out. She had entertainment—some of the best musicians in Hawaii. A large crowd turned out for the food and music and dancing, and she had a ball.

 

Because of the virus, her usual extravaganza didn’t happen last month. But we expected to see her again once the current situation allowed travel.

 

This is why the news of her death was such a shock. She had cancer. Later, I learned that when she died, she was surrounded by friends and lots of love.

 

I am grateful for the wonderful memories we shared with her, and we will miss her terribly.

Suzi’s birthday 2018 – photo by Bruce Forrester

Somewhere in heaven she is organizing a big party with some of her friends like the recently departed Willie K. And she is laughing. Aloha, Suzi!

Lost and Found

My father died in 1954 when I was seven and my brother was four. We also lost contact with most of my father’s family. My paternal grandfather bailed. He was an alcoholic, and he and my mother actively disliked each other.

In 1923, when his wife died leaving three children, the oldest of whom was my father at six, my grandfather sent them to live with his older sister. They only saw their father on holidays until my dad started high school. Then he came home and brought the girls with him. He took responsibility for his two younger sisters until they graduated from high school themselves. I have always wondered if my grandfather felt guilty for not raising his own children.

One of my aunts, Rose, lived in Redding with her family. My dad had cut ties with her several years earlier because of her abusive husband, so we hadn’t seen any of them for some time. When I was eight or nine, her children were in our town to visit their paternal grandmother. (Unbeknownst to us, two of our great aunts also lived in our town. My father had nothing to do with them, either, because of their lifestyle. But my cousins visited.)

Their mother called and asked if the kids could come to our house for a couple of days. My cousin, Margaret, and I were close in age. We had such a wonderful time together. Even though she was only there for a couple of days, we both remember it as a great experience. However, we didn’t see each other again for many years.

My dad’s other sister, Mary Evelyn, lived with her family in Sacramento. She and my mother loved each other very much. She was in the military in WWII at the same time as my dad. My mother wrote each of them daily.

She had four children. However, her husband spent several years in and out of mental hospitals. She always worked full-time. As a single parent, so did my mother. The distance between our two families made visiting prohibitive, and long-distance phone calls were far too expensive. Over time, we lost track of her family as well.

After Mary Evelyn’s husband died, she moved to San Diego, where she began to do genealogy research. She located my brother, who gave her our contact information. When she called for the first time, we invited her to lunch the following Saturday.

When she and my mother saw each other, it was clear they still loved each other. From then until her death several years later, we saw her every few months. She attended our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary celebration. I adored her and treasure every minute I got to share with her.

My cousins on my dad’s side of the family remained lost until I located a couple of her children on Facebook. They led me to their siblings as well as Margaret. My family now felt restored.

On Memorial Day of 2011, Mary Evelyn’s son, Roger, invited us to his home for a barbeque. His sister, Suzanne, also came. What a joy to be reunited with them.

Roger, Suzanne, and me

My cousin Margaret was also supposed to have been with us, but she was unable to make it. A couple of weeks later, she was in Orange County. We made arrangements for her to go to church with us and to see my mother in the nursing home. What a great blessing. This was the last day Mom was lucid.

Me, Mom, and Margaret

In March of 2013, Margaret and Suzanne came to Dana Point for a few days. During the time they were with us, we visited San Gabriel Mission and found our grandmother’s grave together. I had tried to locate it years before, but had been unsuccessful. This time, we found it as well as the graves of her brother and her parents.

Lunch in Dana Point: Larry, me, Margaret, Suzanne

Four cousins at our grandmother’s grave: Ron, Margaret, Me, Suzanne

Roger and Suzanne flew down for our fiftieth anniversary celebration. They were the only members of my dad’s side of the family to attend, and I felt very blessed to have them!

Suzanne, Larry, me, Roger

Last September, we drove to Sacramento to meet Roger and Suzanne’s younger brother, Ted. Roger’s twin, Steve, was supposed to come, too, but he wasn’t able to make it. Ted was in town for a high school reunion. This was the first time I ever met him. Unfortunately, none of us thought to take any pictures. Roger barbequed, and we had a great time. We also met Suzanne’s daughter, Sarah, and her family.

In October, Sarah called to say she and Suzanne were coming to Orange County to go to Disneyland and celebrate Suzanne’s birthday. We took all of them out for dinner. This was the first time I had ever been able to celebrate Suzanne’s birthday with her.

Last Wednesday morning, we received an early phone call from Roger. He could barely breathe, but he said he had nearly died the night before. (I still haven’t heard all the details.) He wanted to tell me how much he loved me and how thankful he was that we had been able to reconnect after so many years.

I told him how much I loved him, too. He said how blessed he felt with a wife he adored and a loving extended family. I told hm to save his breath and that I was going to put him on two prayer chains. Later in the day, he called again to be sure to tell my brother he was loved as well. (They had seen each other at our fiftieth anniversary party.)

The next day, he called again and told me to call off my prayer warriors. (Didn’t happen.) He said he was feeling much better with only a couple of other tests to be completed. He sounded optimistic and ready to get back to his activities.

On Saturday, Sarah called to tell me Roger had suffered a heart attack during the night. He didn’t survive. I am heartbroken, and at the same time, I feel so very blessed to have found him again. We shared wonderful memories, and we had closure.

I will always love Roger and remember him with love. I told him the first time I met Ingrid, “She’s family, and I’m keeping her.” I meant it then, and I mean it now.

RIP, Roger, until we meet again. Thank you for loving me and allowing me to love you.

Roger and Ingrid. This is my favorite photo of them.