Closure

Almost nothing is more frustrating than losing a dear friend and not knowing why. This happened to us a number of years ago.

Our dear and valued friend, Lynne, simply disappeared. She moved without sending us her new address. Her phone number and email address changed. We were left frustrated and missing her.

I found a new address for her, and sent her cards every few years. We never received an answer, but at least, they were never returned. Still, we often thought of her and hoped she was doing well.

We received word last month that she had died while on a cruise in November. We probably shouldn’t even have known about it except a friend’s step-daughter went to school with one of Lynne’s relatives. She let her step-mother know about the funeral, and she let the rest of us know.

Larry was ill the day of the funeral, but I went. We had been given the wrong address, and I drove around for a while before I located the church. Even though I left very early, I was a few minutes late for the service and sat in the back.

I loved hearing from her family about her more recent years. I felt as though I had caught up with her life. And I was glad and thankful I had gone.

A couple of weeks ago, we received a phone message from “Lynne’s relative” asking to speak with us about her. We played phone tag until last Monday when we finally connected. What a precious gift!

He said he was going through her things and came across the letters and cards we had sent over the years. This told us a great deal. She had kept them because they were important to her! And we knew she knew we cared about her.

We talked for about an hour sharing Lynne stories. Many of them made us laugh, and her relative enjoyed hearing them as much as we enjoyed sharing them. He told us a bit about her life after we saw her the last time.

We all felt she had cut herself off from her old friends in order to protect his privacy. (He is a very public figure, and she lived with him and took care of his children.) He expressed his surprise and dismay that she had made the choice. “I never would have asked her to do it, and I would have objected had I known.”

We had looked for closure to this relationship, and his thoughtfulness provided more than we could have imagined.

We still miss her, but now we feel satisfaction knowing she knew how we felt about her. She kept our messages, and it told us we mattered to her as well.

Have you ever lost a friend and felt the need for closure? How did you handle it? Did you ever find a satisfactory ending?

I’m grateful we did.