Another Farewell

On Tuesday afternoon, while checking Facebook, a strange post showed up saying our dear friend Suzi O had passed away. I couldn’t believe it. So, I messaged the person who made the post. It was true. I was blindsided.

 

We knew her in high school as Elaine Benioff. She was in Larry’s class, two years ahead of me. My best friend was in the same class, and I knew many of her friends. (At his reunions, I often have had to tell him who the people were because I knew more of them than he did.)

 

I remembered her because of her gorgeous long, blonde hair.

We attended Larry’s 20^th class reunion in the fall of 1982. On the Sunday morning, following the big celebration on Saturday night, many of us ate brunch in the hotel. We sat with Elaine, now called Suzi. (In high school, she used her middle name. After she graduated, she switched to her first name: Susan. It morphed into Suzi. Her married name was Osborne.) During the meal, we found out she lived on Maui. We had planned a trip there not long after the reunion, so we made arrangements to visit her while we were there.

At the time, she ran a small newspaper, and we met her in the office. She also had become a minister and conducted weddings. Her logo read: Get Married on Maui. She did this for many years. We spent the afternoon with her and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. From then on, we visited with her each time we went.

 

We attended their subsequent high school reunions and always spent time with Suzi. She was pure joy and a bright light. We looked forward to being with her. We laughed a lot.

 

When she came to Orange County, she often stayed with us and made our house her headquarters.

 

Suzi experienced a house fire and lost her home. She put whatever remained in storage and moved back to Fresno, California. Her mother had started having health issues, so Suzi felt she was needed here.

 

She began to make one or two trips to Bali each year, getting to know people and buying handcrafted items from the local artists: bags, clothing, scarves, tablecloths, jewelry, wooden carvings, gift items etc. (If you read the book Eat, Pray, Love, you may remember the guru mentioned in the book. Suzi knew him. She showed us pictures and told stories about him.)

 

She arranged for “Bali Boutiques,” hosted in private homes (sort of like Tupperware parties), where she sold her wares. I hosted several of these for her and invited my friends. The best part of hosting was having her stay here. She usually arrived the day before, and we played. She often stayed for a few days afterward, and we had more opportunities for fun.

 

In August of 2010, we held an Arts Festival at our church. When I mentioned it to Suzi, she immediately said she wanted to take part. She secured a space and sold her items there. She did very well.

 

The day of the festival was my birthday. I stopped by her booth and pointed out a couple of items I really liked. Unbeknownst to me, she talked Larry into getting me a gorgeous blue stone pendant. I love it and have worn it often.

 

By the next time she came, she had found new venues: senior living centers. Some worked well for her. Others, not so much. But her joie de vis was contagious. She genuinely loved people, and they were attracted to her. On one trip down to Orange County, one of her senior homes cancelled. She asked if I knew of any. I told her about the one my mother had lived in, and she made arrangements for a show there. I went along with her since I still knew many of the residents and staff. We spent a fun day. I don’t think she made too much money, but she charmed everyone, and we laughed a lot.

 

In 2012, they celebrated their 50^th class reunion. The party was held in Balboa. We invited Suzi to stay with us, but she wasn’t even sure she could make it because her mom wasn’t doing well. She said she’d meet us at the party, which she did.

She left early to drive straight back to Fresno. Her mother died shortly thereafter, and she moved back to Maui, the place she loved best.

 

In 2015, Larry and I celebrated our fiftieth wedding anniversary. A week later, we left for a two-week vacation in Hawaii. Our first stop was Maui, where we stayed a week with Suzi. She had planned activities for every day we were with her. She got tickets for Noises Off at the local theater. Suzi was very active in the theater, appearing on stage several times,

 

We joined some of the other theater folks for dinner before the show. We really enjoyed this delightful farce.

 

On Friday night, Kahului held a street fair with food and music and booths. Mostly, we walked the main street with her as Suzi met and greeted friends. We became convinced she knew everyone on the island.

Another day, we arranged to have brunch with the gentleman who inspired the protagonist of our mysteries, Agapé Jones. We invited Suzi to join us. Not too surprisingly, she and he already knew each other as well as many mutual friends.

 

We were plotting a new mystery at the time and were looking for a senior living facility on Maui to include in the book. I had mentioned this to her before we arrived. Being Suzi, she’d arranged for a tour of the best facility on the island, where her friend was the director.

 

On Saturday morning, we went to the marketplace at the college. I found a beautiful caftan and several gift items. Larry bought a T-shirt.

 

Later that evening, she hosted a potluck party. Included were some of the same people with whom we had eaten dinner the night of the play. We took part in one of her traditional games: a version of charades where we acted out the names of famous people. We broke into two teams. Although some of the players were quite competitive, it was more about the camaraderie and laughs. Oh, and the great food. We stayed up late because no one wanted to go home.

 

In 2017, Larry’s class held their 55^th reunion. Suzi came and stayed with us. She arrived early, and we spent some time with her. We attended the event together, and had a great time, as always.

2017 – Photo by Gary Bosley

The following morning, she left to see Fr. Ed Benioff (a cousin, I think) installled as pastor of Church of the Good Shepherd in L.A.  She took a dedicated copy of our book "The Memory Keeper" to him as a gift.

She later went to a spa near San Diego. While there, she ran into our friend, the inspiration for our retired detective. We didn’t know he was in town and didn’t see him, but she did.

 

Last October, they held a 75^th birthday party for the class. Suzi had planned to come, and we had expected her to stay with us. Unfortunately, she had to cancel. Her landlord wanted her to move so he could rent the house to a family member.

 

While in the moving process, she fell and broke her back. Thank goodness, she had great friends who helped her with the move and took care of her until she healed.

 

Through the years, we remained in touch through email and Facebook.

 

Her birthday parties became legendary on Maui. We always received an invitation, but somehow, the timing never worked out. She had entertainment—some of the best musicians in Hawaii. A large crowd turned out for the food and music and dancing, and she had a ball.

 

Because of the virus, her usual extravaganza didn’t happen last month. But we expected to see her again once the current situation allowed travel.

 

This is why the news of her death was such a shock. She had cancer. Later, I learned that when she died, she was surrounded by friends and lots of love.

 

I am grateful for the wonderful memories we shared with her, and we will miss her terribly.

Suzi’s birthday 2018 – photo by Bruce Forrester

Somewhere in heaven she is organizing a big party with some of her friends like the recently departed Willie K. And she is laughing. Aloha, Suzi!

Senior Year Electives

With the recent graduation season over, I was reminded of my own senior year in high school. I could have graduated a year ahead if I’d taken US Government in summer school after my junior year. It was the only required class I hadn’t taken. My friend, Susie, did just that and graduated early.

However, I didn’t want to miss all the special events of senior year, and after working so hard on academic subjects for three years, I wanted the opportunity to take a few electives. I also wanted to qualify for the National Honor Society, since any chance of college scholarships might depend on it.

At the time, we had six classes. US Government was my first class in the morning, and my advanced dance class was the last of the day. I had four periods to fill with classes I’d enjoy. What bliss!

First, I chose senior English since I planned to be an English major. I don’t remember much about it except we wrote a lot. I also took the one-semester World Lit. class with my favorite teacher, Mr. Ward. We studied the differences in the way different cultures approached the written word. I especially remember contrasting Oman Khayyam’s poetry with that of Yates and Dylan Thomas.

I then chose my only class in the Homemaking Department: Home and Family. This class was easy for me since I was already doing lots of the things it taught, like making the bed properly (bottom sheet right-side up, top sheet right-side down, and hospital corners), making and using a household budget, meal planning and shopping effectively, balancing a checkbook, repairing a lamp, etc. One of the most valuable lessons was how to repair a toilet. For many years, I replaced all the ball cocks and flush chains in our home.

Another one-semester class was Senior Problems. This was actually Psychology 101. We studied what makes us act the way we do. We had a long discussion on deceptive advertising. (Remember, this was the Mad Men era.) I’ve never looked at an ad the same way since.

I also took a semester of Beginning Spanish. We had a student teacher, and I confess, we drove him crazy. Once, I turned in my homework written backwards (right-to-left). I had taught myself to do it, and I can still read and write backwards. He returned my paper and told me to redo it. He said if I ever did it again, he’d give me an F.

Finally, I took an art class—the first I’d ever taken. And I LOVED it. I recently posted a photo of a tree I drew early in the class.

On a hot afternoon, we walked across to the cool garden behind the library to sketch. I’d always loved this tree, so I decided to choose it as my subject. I’ve always liked this quick study in ink on paper. Over the years, it became discolored, so I tried to clean up the background to restore the original effect.

I did a portrait of my favorite subject. Not great, but close enough to recognize.

This was a quick study using colored pencils.

In college, I took another art class. I loathed the instructor. In his opinion, anything that resembled real life wasn’t art. I disagreed. My grade reflected our disagreement.

I did a dual study in charcoal of Larry. Later on, I cut out the portrait and discarded the profile. (It wasn't accurate, and the whole dual study was too large.) It hung on the wall for a time until it fell and the glass broke, damaging the paper. But I still like it.

On one project, my college instructor and I agreed. Each student was to make a stabile. I took a small wooden block and attached interlocking quasi-circles of wire to the center. I painted the whole thing flat black, and added a red Christmas ornament in the middle. For some reason, the instructor liked it and asked to keep it as a demonstration to future classes. He did, and I got an A for the project, thus saving my GPA.

During my freshman year in college, the pressure was on again. I had a California State Scholarship and had to remain on the Dean’s List to maintain it. (I did.) I liked my classes, but not the school. And I never enjoyed another year as glorious as my senior year in high school.

What was your favorite year in school? What was your favorite class? What class do you wish you had taken?

Reunion Recap - Final Snapshots

 As a friend said, “The entire weekend flew by in a blur.” It did for me, too. Yet special moments stand out. Here are a few of those. I have changed the names to preserve the identities of those involved, but some of my classmates may recognize the individuals.

VIC

I first talked to him several months before the reunion when he was still in the hospital recovering from a major stroke. Even though his voice was weak, he said he’d be there if he could. He’d come to all the previous reunions, and I was sure he’d make it to this one if it were at all possible. We worked with his son to get him there, even though he’s now confined to a wheelchair.

Late in the evening on Saturday night, I looked at the dance floor where Vic’s son pushed him around while several of the most popular girls held his hand and danced with him. No other lighting was required in the room because the glow on his face lit up the place.

If he had been the only person there, all the hard work of the previous months would have been worthwhile.

WADE and MARION

Marion and I have known each other since grammar school when we discovered we shared a birthday. I spoke to her a week or so before the reunion, and she said she probably wouldn’t attend. However, I talked her into going.

On Sunday morning, I spotted Wade. He had been very generous to the committee, and I hadn’t had a chance to thank him. I talked to him for a few minutes and gave him a hug. Then I went over and sat next to Marion to ask if she was glad she’d come.

But she couldn’t take her eyes off Wade. “Who’s that?”

I told her his name.

“Tell me about him.”

Since he and I’d had many classes together in high school, I knew him pretty well and always considered him one of the ‘nice guys.’ In fact, I told her he’d have met my requirements for someone I’d have been interested in if I weren’t already married—and I am, happily, thank God. He’s extremely smart and just as nice. It doesn’t hurt that he’s also quite good-looking.

I encouraged her to go talk to him.

“But I didn’t know him in school.”

“So what? Just introduce yourself.” I practically shoved her toward him. And she went.

Later in the morning as we were leaving, I noticed they were still talking…

We had dinner with them a week or so ago. They reminded me of teenagers. They are obviously crazy about each other, but are taking it slowly. They look very happy together.

If the event only served to bring together these two people I like very much—both singularly and as a couple—then all the planning and work was worth it.

CHAS and VALERIE

Both of these people were on the fringes during high school. Chas was a dear friend, but his mother died, and he left the school in his senior year. We communicated for a while, but what with moving and the passage of time, we lost touch.

Valerie worked closely with me while planning the reunion, and her friendship was probably the best gift I received from all the effort.

Both of these friends live out of the area. Valerie stayed with us for a few days before and after the reunion, and Chas stayed with another classmate who lives in the area. We spent Sunday afternoon and most of the day Monday with them.

Reuniting with one old friend and spending time with another old/new one was totally worth the time and effort it took to make the occasion happen.

POLLY and TERRY

We’d spent some time with Terry before the reunion since he lived close to us and we enjoyed reminiscing. My overall impression was that he seemed quite lonely.

Not long before the reunion, he called and said he had asked an ‘old friend’ to come as his guest. Her high school wasn’t having a 50^th reunion celebration, so he had suggested she share ours. Another classmate was married to a fellow from her school, so they could celebrate their reunion during ours.

When they arrived, I discovered they had been college sweethearts but had gone their separate ways when they left school. The affection between the two of them had clearly survived the years. They had run into each other accidentally a couple of weeks earlier.

We spent some time with the two of them after the reunion, and apparently, they’re still seeing each other since I saw a photo of them together recently on Facebook.

To see these two clearly happy together has made me very happy.

DONNY

Right up until the last minute, we weren’t sure Donny would be able to make it. He’s battling a particularly aggressive form of cancer, and has been in a great deal of pain. Traditional methods have been ineffective, so he is currently undergoing experimental treatment.

Yet there he was, smiling and clearly enjoying himself. Seeing him was truly a blessing for those who knew and remembered him. And none of us would have missed the opportunity to give him a hug. We continue to keep him in prayer.

KATIE

I went to grammar school with Katie. She was a neighbor, and we went through Girl Scouts together. She married her high school sweetheart, another member of our class.

About a month before the reunion, she messaged me on Facebook to tell me her husband had a brain tumor and wasn’t doing well. I told her I’d pray for both of them.

Two weeks before the reunion, I woke with a strong feeling I should call her to see how she was doing. That day got away from me, but I called the next day.

“How did you know?” she said when she answered.

I began to cry. “I didn’t.” He had died the morning before. She said she’d cancel her reservation, but I told her we’d already turned in the final count to the hotel.

“Just wait until the day of the reunion and decide then.” We talked—and cried—for a long time. As we hung up, I reminded her, “We lost him, too. He was also one of ours.”

I was thrilled when she walked into the hotel on Saturday morning. We hugged and cried again. At the party, she sat at our table with a couple of other old grammar school friends. Later in the evening, we took a grammar school photo, and she was able to smile.

I hope being there was good for her. I know for sure that seeing her was a blessing for those of us who have known them both since our school days.

Many other special memories of that evening flit in and out of my mind. I only had room for a few of them here, but many, many more warm my heart and make me smile.

Would I do it all again? Heck, yes! How about in five years?

Reunion Recap Part III

We woke early on Sunday morning after working to clear everything out of the ballroom after midnight the night before. Too excited about the evening to get much sleep, and the bed and pillow were too soft.

We had said we’d try to get together in the lounge between 9:00 and 11:00 in the morning to say our final farewells.

We arrived to find some of the gals had stayed up all night talking. They said they were tired but happy. A few said they’d had a bit too much to drink the night before. (I heard a rumor that a diehard group closed the hotel bar earlier that morning.)

Most everyone was still on a high after all the fun and laughter from the big celebration. And it seemed as though none of us wanted to waste a minute of spending time together. Various groups connected one last time.

We still had one box of AHS t-shirts out of the original four left over, so we took them down and offered them to whoever wanted them. By the end of the morning, we only had a few left. (As of today, I have only one unspoken for and one spoken for out of the approximately 120 sent from the school. They were all XL or XXL, so we figured some would remain. But they were also very nice shirts, so people took advantage of the opportunity to have one.)

Once again, as happened all weekend, our friends took advantage of the opportunity to reconnect to others they might have missed the night before and to spend a bit more time with old friends.

I saw a few I had missed and enjoyed every minute with them. We ordered breakfast, but I ate very little of mine as I spotted additional folks I had to greet.

And still, I missed a few.

The time finally came to clean out the workroom, check out, load the van, and head home. Saying goodbye was bittersweet. We all agreed ten years was far too long to wait to get together again. Some of the grammar school groups and others were already planning for future meetings.

We arrived home exhausted and had hoped to get in a nap, but a couple of classmates who live nearby arrived in the afternoon. Our two out-of-town friends wanted to spend more time with us, and we felt the same way. So before they left, we made plans to tour Mission San Juan Capistrano the following day and have lunch together.

Larry and I always enjoy escorting people around ‘our’ mission. After doing all the research for our book, The Memory Keeper, we have a new appreciation for the history of San Juan Capistrano, and in particular, the mission. While showing the others around, we ran into another out-of-town couple who had decided to extend the reunion into a road trip. On their way south, they decided to stop by the mission.

The reunion continues. Quite a few friends have gotten together following the weekend. We’ve seen several ourselves and enjoyed dinner last Friday night with two of them.

The whole experience has made me ask myself why I let so many years pass without getting together with precious friends. Who do you miss today? Why not give them a call.

Next week: Final special memory snapshots.