A Year of Grief

A Year of Grief

One year ago today, a child we have loved since he was six ended his own life at seventeen. As his mother said, “The year went so fast, but the days seemed endless.”

We first met William when his mother left us a message while we were at work. “This is your neighbor. This is a call no parent wants to make. My son broke your window.” He was six at the time, a beautiful little boy with huge eyes. She ended the call with, “His father will bring him over on Saturday to apologize. Be tough on him.

I started laughing. Sure. Be tough? On a six-year-old?

However, on Saturday morning, he and his dad arrived. He apologized, and Larry and I managed to keep straight faces—barely. He was truly contrite. Thus began our relationship with his family, which eventually grew to six children.

In December, we asked their mother if we could “rent” the kids to help finish decorating our tree since I had run out of steam. There were only five at the time, but their cousin came, too. They trooped over, put the ornaments here, there, and everywhere, and I loved it!

When the tree was complete, they decorated the sugar cookies I had baked ahead of time with icing and lots of sprinkles. Of course, they had more inside them than the finished ones. And sprinkles covered every surface. They each had a small plate on which to put the three cookies they wanted to take home with them. I used the rest to serve my guests throughout the holiday season.

Bridget, their cousin, William, Wyatt, Audrey, Claire

The tradition continued through 2019. Last year, we had to cancel, not just because of Covid, but also because one precious child was missing.

I always considered William the most sensitive of the children. That first year, I told them each ornament on the tree had a story. (There are no “generic” ones.) William was the one who would bring me an ornament and ask me to tell him its story. This year, his younger brother, Wyatt, channeled William, asking about specific decorations.

Wyatt always hunted for two specific ornaments: a ceramic surfboard and a tiny wooden sailboat. (When I mentioned this, he described them both without any hints. He shared that memory with me.) Once he’d located them, he always stopped hanging anything else on the tree and sat on the sofa playing with them. (This year, he kept adding decorations to the tree, but he still set “his” ornaments aside.)

We told him he could choose one of the two to take home with him, but Larry added, “You need to leave one so you’ll return next year.” He decided to leave them both so he could hunt for them again.

The oldest child, Claire, always corralled the younger ones and kept them at it. She joined our critique group when she was ten! She was a terrific writer, even as a little girl. And she became one of our best critics. She published her first novel at sixteen. She is now a sophomore at the University of Notre Dame—on a scholarship.

Audrey, the next eldest after William, is my “angel girl.” She shares my love for angels. She is a sophomore in high school and was too busy to join us this year, but I sent home a couple of big angels for her.

Bridget, who is now in eighth grade, was the “messy” one. She was impulsive and demanding and so much fun. She was also independent and opinionated, and I must admit, I really liked those qualities. Now, she is kind and thoughtful and creative and deliberate. Yep, she is growing up, and it makes me a bit sad.

Wyatt has also grown up. His first year, he broke one ornament (to his mother’s chagrin) and spilled his hot cocoa. I didn’t care. I so loved having them there—and I still do.

The youngest, Sydney, who is now six, was only old enough to come starting in 2019. She, too, is growing up. She is creative and neat and enthusiastic.

Thank goodness we were able to have them again on Tuesday to help with the tree and cookies. Once again, they each got a mug of hot cocoa with five miniature marshmallows. And they each left with an ornament from my collection. Quite a few others already decorate their tree.

Lorna, Bridget, Sydney, Wyatt, and Larry

It wasn’t quite the same, and it never will be again. We will always miss sweet, dear William. But I am so grateful to their parents for sharing them with us through the years.

Christmas has now officially arrived in our home. 

Holiday Traditions

Most families have holiday traditions. Often these have been passed down from generation to generation. We are no exception.

In our family, one special tradition began several years ago when decorating the tree became a chore. When Kim was little, I looked forward to doing it. I have hundreds of ornaments, and each one has a story. We have no plain or generic decorations. Each one represents memories.

For many years, our daughter invited a friend or two to help put them on the tree. We had hot chocolate and cookies as a reward. Of course, the best part was spending time with Kim and her friends.

Even when we moved here to Dana Point, Kim still came over to help. But when she moved to Texas fourteen years ago, it became more and more daunting.

For a few years, I hired our friend’s teenage kids to help, but they grew up and had lives of their own.

Enter our neighbors and their kids. Their property adjoined ours in the back yard. We first met them when their little boy—aged six—broke our window. Before long, we fell in love with the whole family. Since we have no grandchildren, we became surrogate grandparents—even though they have four wonderful grandparents already.

About eight years ago, I asked their mother if I could “rent” the kids (at the time there were five) to help decorate our tree. They were excited to do it. The first year, I learned to put the most fragile ones on the tree before they arrived. I wasn’t as concerned about broken decorations (things are to use and enjoy) as I was about one of them being hurt.

Now there are six of them, and yesterday, the tradition continued. Their mother brought all but one, who had a game, and they swarmed in to finish the job for us.

I took me two days to put on about a third of the ornaments. They put on the rest in less than an hour. Thank goodness.

Over the years, I have given them some of my ornaments each year. Now all the duplicates are gone as well as the ones without an emotional attachment. I have also given them most of my Christmas books. Several of them went again this year, including a new copy of my favorite, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.

Another part of the tradition is cookies. Ahead of time I bake several batches of cut sugar cookies. Once the tree is completed, the kids sit down and decorate them.

I put out icing and sprinkles and turn them loose. This year, Larry found eyeballs, and he couldn’t resist. The kids loved them! The youngest child decided to make “monsters” with multiple eyeballs.

Once they have decorated all of the cookies, each one chooses their three favorites to take home. (Of course, they eat few along the way.)

Before they leave, they always have to climb the back stairs and play in the back yard. They have now moved away, so one of their “jobs” is to check out their yard to see what has changed. (The family still owns the house.)

I know that some day in the not-too-distant future, they won’t want to come and do this every year. The oldest will graduate from high school in June, and the rest will follow behind.

But for Christmas 2019, we have a beautiful tree and cookies to serve during the holidays—along with the story of how they were decorated.

What special holiday traditions does your family observe?