Celebrating a Life Well-lived

Today we celebrated the life of my longtime friend, Karen Stone.

I met her when her then-fiancé brought her to church (Community Presbyterian in San Juan Capistrano). However, as we talked, I realized that we probably had met years earlier. Growing up, she attended the Monterey Park Methodist Church. My best friend, Kathleen Murphy, also went to that church. It was an active congregation. They presented musical events, luncheons, and plays. Throughout high school, I attended most of them with Kathleen. So did Karen

Eventually, she and Jeff Stone were married and became a part of the large, active couples’ group at the church.

I learned early on that music was very important to both of them. Karen played the marimba, and before long, she began to play for the church talent shows, worship services, and other events, accompanied by Armand Stephanian on the drums.

Jeff also played several instruments, so their shared love of music was a special bond.

For many years, Jeff hosted “The Ragtime Show” on local station KSBR on Sunday nights between 8:00 and 10:00 p.m. Through this interest, he and Karen began to attend the annual ragtime convention, where they made many friends who shared their passion.

Their musical interest didn’t stop there, however. They were members of the Laguna Folkdancers. Karen invited us to join them, but our schedule never seemed to allow us to do so. They also took dance lessons: western, ballroom, etc. We were also invited to join them for this activity.

Both were active in social justice issues. They belonged to a group called Beyond War, along with several others in the congregation. They were instrumental in having a Peace Pole installed at CPC.

Karen’s service today was held at the Neighborhood Congregational Church in Laguna Beach, where she and Jeff became members when they moved to Laguna Hills. As we parked, I noticed a Peace Pole there as well. I smiled to think that either it was there to welcome her and Jeff when they arrived, or they lobbied to have one installed there. In either case, she had found a new home.

But she never completely left CPC. She attended many events there even after she moved her membership.

Karen worked part time in the office at Community Pres in SJC for about eight years, from May of 1983 until about 1991. Virginia Webb and she shared the position until the church hired a fulltime office administrator.

She was always a joy. She worked under Rev. Robert Schwenck. At the time, Sunday bulletins were hand-typed, laid out on large boards, taken to the printer, and proofed. Then volunteers folded them on Friday afternoons. My mother, Vera Mansfield, was one of the volunteers. She and Karen became close friends. For several years, Karen, Darla (the bookkeeper), and Virginia took Mom for lunch on her birthday. Mom loved Karen.

She attended many of the church’s women's retreats at Wylie Woods Presbyterian Conference Center. Even after she and Jeff moved to Laguna Hills and began to attend the Neighborhood Church, she came to every one.

Karen was a terrific photographer. She took photos at each retreat and put them together on a large poster. A couple of weeks after each retreat, the ladies led worship based upon the theme for the weekend. One of Karen’s posters always greeted us on an easel as we entered the sanctuary for the service.

She also mounted her photos on notecards. I purchased some from her and looked forward to receiving a note from her on one in the mail. Karen was a lovely correspondent.

She let us borrow some of her photos for the 100^th anniversary book we created in 2019 for the church (Community Presbyterian Church of San Juan Capistrano: 1919-2019 – 100 years of History). Of course, Karen attended the events of the anniversary weekend. She and Jeff are both featured in the book since Jeff designed and installed the first sound system in the sanctuary.

Until her death, Karen remained a faithful member of the CPC Prayer Chain. She often emailed or called me for more information about a prayer request.

At eleven years old, in 2003, my friend’s daughter was diagnosed with a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy. It only affects children, and it is always fatal, usually within two years. We put Emily on the CPC Prayer Chain. I occasionally sent updates. However, Karen subscribed to Emily’s Caring Bridge site. She called me occasionally—especially when Emily’s condition worsened. Against all odds, Emily lived until 2019 when she was twenty-six! Much longer than anyone had expected. You can read Emily’s story here.

When we received the news that Emily had passed away, Karen called me, and we wept together. Through all those years, Karen prayed faithfully for Emily, just as she did for many others.

Karen was proud of the charity her mother created: Mary Erickson Community Housing. Because of Karen, CPC has supported this organization for years.

Karen was a gentle warrior, fighting for justice. She was kindness personified, but she had strong beliefs and did not hesitate to express them. However, I never heard her raise her voice. She was a good and faithful friend, loving wife, and stepmother to Kathy and Chris. She had a radiant smile and gentle nature. And I am proud to have called her friend. I shall miss her.

Life Isn't Fair

Life isn’t fair. That’s just how it is. It doesn’t always make sense. In fact, it often doesn’t make sense. Don’t bother asking, “Why?” There simply isn’t always an answer. Actually, there usually isn’t a satisfactory answer.

If life were fair, I wouldn’t have lost my dad when I was seven and my brother was four. I did. (Today would have been his 100^th birthday.)

If life were fair, tragedies would only happen to those who deserved them. They don’t.

If life were fair, the best people would live long lives, and those who abused drugs, alcohol, and other substances would die young. They often don’t.

Mean drunks live long lives.

Innocent children die. Parents leave their families far too young.

If life were fair, each family would experience problems equally. They don’t.

Our friends have had more than their share of difficulties. Tom badly injured his knee years ago while working as a firefighter. The first surgery to repair it was botched. In the intervening years, he’s had numerous additional surgeries. None solved the problem—or relieved the pain. Last year, he had a knee replacement. A week after the surgery, his tibia shattered. As a result, he had his leg amputated below the knee. A week later, he had a heart attack. He recovered and is now learning to function with a ‘bionic’ prosthesis.

His wife, Robin, had a stroke several years after Tom’s injury. It was followed by a heart attack. Either one could have killed her, but they left her with some paralysis. While in the hospital, she contracted hepatitis C from a blood transfusion. She has survived far longer than the original prognosis.

We sometimes compare their situation to that of the biblical family of Job.

Another family has also experienced far more than their share of tragedy. The mother died at age thirty-seven leaving three small children ages four, six, and twelve. I was her same age and identified with the younger kids. The father died about ten years later.

This past week, we learned that one of the youngest son’s newborn twin sons died suddenly. Not fair!

How do people survive these kinds of shattering events?

The answer for me is: faith. I truly don’t see how anyone can get through life’s toughest times without believing in something larger, more powerful than we are and that there is a greater plan. The comfort of believing we will see our loved ones again keeps me going and at peace.

Each of us copes in our own way, but I also believe having a group of friends who will stand with us in compassion and support can keep us going when we couldn’t do it on our own.

Life isn’t fair. Nothing is guaranteed. Each of these devastating events—whether our own or others’—is a reminder of how fragile life is.

For me, the only appropriate response is gratitude for the good things in life, for those around us, and for whatever time we are given.

How do you cope with loss—your own and others'?