It Takes A Village

Early on September 11, we flew to Oakland to attend a funeral Mass for our dear friend Ernesto “Raul” Lopez.

Raul (he was never called Ernesto) was our neighbor when we bought our first home in Arcadia in 1970. He and his family lived across the street, and we became good friends. Although their last name was Lopez, they were Japanese. Raul’s ancestor was one of the Portuguese sailors who came to Kobe to trade with the Japanese. When the country was isolated for about 200 years, Raul’s ancestor married a Japanese woman and stayed in Kobe. He was a sweet, gentle man and a dear friend.

His wife, Kay, (Keiko), became one of my closest friends. We never spoke in complete sentences and finished each other’s thoughts. We were having a conversation in front of another friend one day. When we finished, she shook her head. “Would you mind telling me what that was all about?” Neither of us realized that half the conversation had been unspoken. We understood each other perfectly.

They had two children. Their son, Jose, had been born in Japan and moved to the US with them. Their daughter, Patricia, was born in California.

Jose was a year older than Kim. Another family who lived on the next street over from them had a daughter Kim’s age, Cheryl. Another family in the neighborhood had a son Jose’s age, Steve.

Jose started school and met a friend, Flint. When I met his mother, Dee, I realized we had gone to grammar school together. She also had a daughter Patricia’s age, Laura.

They say, “It takes a village to raise a child.” In our case, this was certainly true! This group of neighbors became our “village.”

Laura, Kim, Tricia, Flint, Jose. Missing: Steve & Cheryl

Through the years, we got to know each others’ families. I loved seeing Raul’s sisters and other family members at the Mass and the reception afterward. They knew our family members as well.

When Tricia was small, Kay worked as a translator for groups of Japanese businessmen. She met their plane, stayed with them for the duration of their trip, and only came home when their trip was completed. During this time, I took care of Tricia.

Raul made sure Jose got off to kindergarten. Then he brought Tricia to my house and went on to work. I kept her all day. When Jose returned from school, he came to my house as well. Both stayed until Raul got home from work. I had her with me so much that people would come up to me in the store. “Isn’t she cute! Is she yours?” Of course, I always answered, “Yes.”

When we attended Raul’s service, she introduced me as her “other mother.” Kim calls Kay the same thing.

When Kay would get annoyed with Patricia, she would call me, “Do you know what YOUR kid did today?” They lived in Hong Kong for a couple of years. While they were there, her kids participated in competitive swimming. Once, Tricia’s picture was in the newspaper. Kay sent me a copy. On it she wrote, “Look what your kid did.”

Kay joined the PTA. She got involved in making items for the school carnival. The funds we raised were used to purchase sports equipment. Of course, she involved me, too.

The first year she was in charge of the booth, we doubled the amount raised the previous year.

Raul’s cousin, Mana, worked for a company that imported beautiful fabrics. At the end of the year, they disposed of the sample books. These were full of large pieces of gorgeous printed cotton. One day, she arrived and opened the trunk of her car. She had brought all the lovely fabric samples to us. We made lots of aprons and other items, which we sold at the boutique.

We kept a few pieces with tropical cotton prints and made swimsuits for the little girls with them.

At the time, we had a 3’ deep above-ground pool in our backyard. They spent the whole summer at our house swimming in their matching suits.

The following year, we more than doubled the amount made the previous year.

I found other sources of free materials to save us money.

We also made homemade Play-Doh and fashioned pins and other items from it. We dried them and then decorated them. In addition to jewelry, we made finger puppets (Goldilocks and the three bears, the wolf and the three pigs, etc.). We also made yardstick holders from some of the free felt we received from the bolt ends from the felt factory. The local hardware store gave us dozens of yardsticks. I still have mine.

Pin, puppet, and yardstick holder

We spent most of our time together with our kids. This is a photo from a day spent at my in-laws’ mobile home in Dana Point.

L-R: Dee, Kay, me, Tricia in front, Kim

Our neighborhood contained families of various ethnicities. We took advantage of all the unique holidays. We celebrated Girls’ Day and Boys’ Day (Japan), Cinco de Mayo (Mexico), Hannukah (Jewish), and Christmas, all with equal enthusiasm. We also celebrated every birthday. Larry’s birthday was quite near Jerry Applebaum’s, so several years we celebrated them both together.

Every summer, Kay’s parents visited from Japan for a couple of months. Our kids spent quite a lot of their time at Kay’s house with “Ojiichan” and “Obaachan.” Even though they didn’t speak much English, and the kids spoke no Japanese, they all seemed to understand each other perfectly.

The kids loved having Japanese grandparents, and Kay’s folks treated them all as their own.

For several years, lovely Christmas gifts arrived from Japan for each of our kids. And we all got together to create small gifts to send to them (usually photo albums and pictures drawn by the kids).

Kay and Raul moved to Garden Grove. We drove past there most weeks on the way to Larry’s folks’ mobile home where we spent our weekends, so we often stopped by to see them.

They later moved to Danville in the Bay area. My aunt and uncle lived in San Mateo. We visited them a couple of times each year. And we always crossed the bay to see Kay and Raul.

In 1987, Kay planned a surprise party for Raul’s birthday. At the time, we had our first foreign student, Silvia, from Spain. She came with us. We stayed with my aunt and uncle and surprised him by attending the party.

Silvia dancing with Larry

Kay & Raul

Silvia remembers this very fondly.

Even though we didn’t see each other very often, we managed to connect every few years, and we phoned and wrote.

A couple of weeks after Raul’s service, we met Tricia and her older daughter, Katelyn, at Disney’s California Adventure for the day. Many years ago, Katelyn was in a competition at Disneyland, so we joined them for the day. She still remembers it. This was a bit like reliving that special time, and we all enjoyed it so much.

Me, Larry, Katelyn, Patricia

Tricia, Katelyn, me, Larry

Yep. Tricia is still “my kid” and her girls are “ours” too. The friends and neighbors from so long ago remain extended family, and we couldn’t love them more.