Meet Ellen Kirschman

Today my guest is Ellen Kirschman, author, police and public safety psychologist, and consultant to first responders. We met at the PSWA conference in July of 2013. She has a fascinating story to tell, so I asked her to share it with you. 

Lorna: Before you became a psychologist, did you envision working in public safety? How did you get involved? 

Ellen: I worked two years as a probation officer, both juvenile and adult, investigation and supervision. I liked the excitement and the opportunity to enter into people's lives, people I would never have met otherwise. What I didn't like—remember this was a very long time ago—was the lack of resources available to help kids and how the law was applied differently to boys and girls. For example, whenever a girl became pregnant and applied for welfare, she was automatically referred to probation. The boys just got hi-fives from their buddies. Every time a girl was arrested we were obliged to get her sexual history, even if the offense was shoplifting. That may have been relevant to her current circumstances, but we never asked boys for those same intimate details. I didn't like locking kids up when there weren't enough beds for them to sleep on and I didn't like locking up runaways when their best and wisest options seemed to be running away from an abusive or disordered family.

Some probation officers hate writing reports. I loved it. I've loved writing since I was a child. One of my senior supervisors told me that a report I had submitted was the best he had ever read. With one exception; he didn't think it had anything to do with the client. Forty years later I'm still turning my real work into fiction.

Learning to work more effectively with families is what motivated me to go back to school to get a Masters in Social Work. I then spent seven years working as a therapist in a psychiatric clinic. Several of my clients were married to police officers and experiencing serious marital problems. When I asked the officers to join us in counseling—once again this was a long time ago and most officers were males—no one ever did, and shortly thereafter the wives quit therapy. This piqued my interest and I began explore the ways being a cop affected family life. I put together a class called "I Love a Cop" at the local community college and the day the catalog came out the class was filled and there were forty women on the wait list. This told me I had found an unserved need. Once again I went back to school, this time for my doctorate in clinical psychology. My dissertation, "Wounded Heroes," focused on police stress. It was kind of a cross between Sigmund Freud and Mickey Spillane. 

Lorna: Having met you, I know you have a real heart for first responders with post-traumatic stress. Was this always a particular interest for you? 

Ellen: I have an enormous amount of respect for police officers and first responders in general. They do what the rest of us couldn't or wouldn't. Police, in particular, have enormously complex jobs. They are hybrid humans; part enforcer, counselor, priest, lawyer, protector, and judge. The many acts of kindness and courage they do every day is overlooked while the rare scandal or mistake or tragic accident makes headlines. Their jobs wear on them emotionally and physically. In my opinion, they deserve a lot more respect and support than they get, both from the public and their own organizations. One of the reasons I wrote Counseling Cops: What Clinicians Need to Know (with colleagues Mark Kamena and Joel Fay, both of whom are psychologists and retired cops) is that it's very hard for officers to ask for professional help. When they do, they deserve to see clinicians who understand the law enforcement culture; what they do, and why they do it.

Lorna: I know you are now teaching. Where and when to you do this? What kinds of things do you talk about? 

Ellen: My teaching has taken me to four countries and twenty-two states. I hold workshops for first responder couples, teach self-care to cops, train peer supporters, and educate counselors about the specific techniques and challenges working with the public safely population including cops, fire fighters, dispatchers, correctional officers , and animal service officers.

Lorna: What should the lay public understand about how to deal with family and friends suffering from post-traumatic stress? Any tips or advice? 

Ellen: It takes patience. Living with someone who has post-traumatic stress is an emotional roller coaster for the victim and his or her friends and family. Sometimes there isn't much you can do except listen with compassion, keep your expectations realistic, and read everything you can about post-traumatic stress injuries. My colleagues and I prefer the term injury to disorder, as disorder suggests the condition is permanent. Post-traumatic stress can be cured. Check out the You-Tube video "With help it gets better:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WANc8lVvMs. This was made by graduates of the West Coast Post Trauma Retreat (www.wcpr2001.org). I volunteer at four six-day retreats a year. We also sponsor three retreats for the spouses and significant others of first responders. More information can be found at http://www.wcpr2001.org/sos.html.

Lorna: Your first books were nonfiction dealing with policemen and firefighters: Counseling Cops: What the Family Needs to Know, I Love a Firefighter: What the Family Needs to Know, and I Love a Cop: What the Family Needs to Know. All of these relate directly to your work. Why did you decide to write a fictional mystery: Burying Ben? 

Ellen: I must have been crazy. I actually thought it would be easier to make things up. It isn't. It's way harder. Writing a mystery about police suicide is timely. Cops are twice to three times more likely to kill themselves than they are to be killed in the line of duty. This is a little known fact that is now being openly addressed by police professionals across the US. I've always wondered how I would react if a client committed suicide. Writing Burying Ben gave me a chance to think about it more deeply. It also gave me the opportunity for payback. I had a lot of fun taking pot shots at cops, psychologists, some ex-husbands, and myself.

Lorna: What do you do to relax and get away from an obviously stressful career? 

Ellen: While there have been many stressful moments in my career, I've had a lot of fun. First responders are a lively bunch who love to laugh. For the most part they are sturdy, healthy people with work-related problems. It is an honor to share their stories. At retreats, especially, I get way more than I give. But I do try to practice what I preach. I'm an inveterate traveler, I like to cook, I'm learning to play the ukulele, and these days I'm working out in water aerobics, wiggling around in the pool with the other aging bathing beauties. 

Lorna: Is there anything else you would like us to know about you? 

Ellen: A second Dot Meyerhoff Mystery is in the works. The awful first draft is awaiting revision. I chose the name Dot Meyerhoff because my mother's name is Dorothy but everyone called her Dot, and my maternal grand-mother's maiden name is Meyerhoff. My husband is a retired remodeling contractor turned photographer (shollisjohnson.com)—not a cop. I don't love a cop, never even had a date with one, although I love a fire fighter, my brother was a volunteer for many years.

I appreciate the opportunity to be on your blog. Mystery writing is a new universe for me. I'm finding mystery writers to be a warm, welcoming bunch.

About Ellen Kirschman:

I have been a police and public safety psychologist for thirty-plus years, before I had any gray hair. My work with first responders has taken me to four countries and twenty-two states.

I no longer have a private practice. Instead, I spend my time writing, teaching, and volunteering as a clinician at the West Coast Post Trauma Retreat for first responders. You can read about my books on my website: http://www.ellenkirschman.com/events.htm.

I Love a Cop: What Police Families Need to Know was my first book and, to date, it has sold more than 100,000 copies. I Love a Fire Fighter: What the Family Needs to Know came next, prompted by the tragic events of September 11th. Following that I wrote Counseling Cops: What Clinicians Need to Know, third in the "need to know" series, with two psychology colleagues, both of whom are retired cops. 

Burying Ben, my first-ever mystery, received first prize for the not-yet-in-print novel from the Public Safety Writers Association. Writing fiction is a new skill for me. I used to think that making things up would be easier than writing non-fiction. What a delusion! Creating a story that captures the reader's attention from page one is a tricky business.

On a more personal note, I live in the San Francisco Bay Area with my husband, who is a photographer (he took the photos for all my books) and retired remodeling contractor. In our spare time we hike, travel, and cook—not in that order.

I enjoy hearing from my readers and from mystery fans. And I love seeing your reviews on Amazon, Goodreads, and Facebook. Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ellen.kirschman/about

Talking With Marilyn Meredith

I must begin with a disclaimer: Marilyn is a very good friend. Larry and I love her, her husband, and her books. Since we know so much about her, I decided to try some different questions for her this week. Maybe you’ll learn something new, too. And I hope you might want to read some of her books when you’re finished.

When did you first decide to write mysteries?

I wrote a couple years ago but I was easily discouraged by one or two rejections. After I wrote and had two historical family sagas published, I wrote my first mystery, The Astral Gift. Then I went on to the first of the Rocky Bluff P.D. series, Final Respects, though at the time, I had no idea it would become a series.

Who was the first character you created? Why this particular character?

For this series, it was Officer Douglas Milligan. Doug was loosely based on my son-in-law, though the resemblance was mostly with his looks. Because my idea—one that I’ve continued through the series—was to show how what is happening at home affects the officer on the job and what’s happening on the job affects the family—I wanted a hero who was likeable but also had vulnerabilities.

Do you read mysteries other than your own? If so, which writers do you like to read?

Of course I read mysteries other than my own, including Lorna’s and Lorna and Larry’s, and I’m really fond of Radine Nehring Trees series, plus many of the other Oak Tree Press mystery authors. Other mystery writers over the years I’ve enjoyed are Mary Higgins Clark, William Kent Krueger and Jan Burke.

Do you read other genres? If so, which do you enjoy the most?

I seldom read anything but mysteries, but I do read thrillers, cozies and other sub-genres of mystery. I do like Dennis Lehane’s work but are probably classified as literary.

Who are your favorite writers of all time?

Other mystery writers over the years who I’ve enjoyed are Mary Higgins Clark, William Kent Krueger, James Lee Burke, and Jan Burke.

If you could spend a day with any one person, living or dead, who would it be and what would you do?

That’s a question I have a hard time answering. My thoughts often run to those in my family who have passed on, but who would I choose, my mom or dad, my son? Spending a day with Jesus would be awesome. I think I’ll be practical instead—I’d love to spend the day with any of my friends, especially my writing friends. One of our fondest memories is spending the weekend with Lorna and Larry in their gorgeous home in Dana Point. We had a great time talking books, selling books, seeing the sights, and just having a wonderful time. [Lorna’s note: And we celebrated our mutual birthdays. It was a great time with good friends.]

What do you do when you really want to escape and have fun? Why?

If it’s just for a part of the day, Hap and I love to go to the movies and out to eat. We’re both movie buffs so that’s really enjoyable for us. If it’s a trip, we really love going to the coast to Morro Bay. We have a special hotel over there we like and we have lots of friends there so we’d try to meet with them for a delicious sea food dinner.

We know your husband, Hap, is very supportive of your writing. Has he always been? Does he ever feel excluded when you are busy with your writing activities?

Hap has always been supportive. Way back when we had our care home, he remained home and took care of business so I could go off to writers’ conferences and mystery cons. Now, he usually comes with me, though he’s not as fond of flying as he once was. I can tell when he feels excluded—he’ll come sit in the extra chair in my office and I know he needs some attention.

What does he like best about your being a writer?

He loves meeting new people just like I do. Being a writer has given him lots of opportunity to make many new and interesting friends. It has also given us some new places to visit. We’ve been to a lot of cities we’d have never gone to if it hadn’t been writing related. Probably the one he enjoyed most was Maui when I worked at the Maui Writers Retreat and he went sightseeing all day. [Lorna’s note: Hap is one of the great guys of the world. We’re both so fortunate to have been blessed with terrific husbands.]

How can you continue to produce two complete novels (one in each series) each year? And how do you manage to keep them fresh and interesting?

I can tell you that it isn’t easy to write two whole novels in one year. If I didn’t have to promote at the same time it would be a lot easier. Sometimes life interferes too. I have to do all the same things everyone else does and we have a huge family. As for keeping each new book fresh and interesting, I try to find new ways to kill people (in the books, of course), unusual killers, and interesting and logical and sometimes not so logical things to happen to my ongoing characters.

What’s next?

The next Rocky Bluff P.D. mystery is called Dangerous Impulses. It centers around a group of high school kids and designer drugs.

F.M. Meredith, also known as Marilyn Meredith, is the author of over thirty published novels. Her latest in the Rocky Bluff P.D. crime series, from Oak Tree Press, is No Bells.  She also writes the Deputy Tempe Crabtree series. Marilyn is a member of EPIC, Four chapters of Sisters in Crime, including the Internet chapter, Mystery Writers of America, and on the board of the Public Safety Writers of America.

Visit her at http://fictionforyou.com and her blog at http://marilynmeredith.blogspot.com

Rocky Bluff Crime series from first to last:

Final Respects, Bad Tidings, Fringe Benefits, Smell of Death, No Sanctuary, An Axe to Grind, Angel Lost, No Bells, and coming soon, Dangerous Impulses.

Sleep Deprivation

Have you ever been so tired you couldn’t sleep? That’s been the norm for most of my adult life.

Last month, I took a grueling contract job. I used to regularly work nine-to-ten hour days. But I’m not used to it anymore! The last Friday was a twelve-hour day—with no lunch period. Of course, the pay will be very nice, especially since Larry had two new crowns put in his mouth!

In addition, I was doing a very challenging edit. I can usually zip these out in a few hours. This one took four passes and over forty-eight hours total to complete. And I was doing all this while hosting out-of-state company for two and a half weeks.

I managed to spend a couple of days at Disneyland, but even that didn’t affect my insomnia.

Since I retired last year, I'd thought I had learned to relax. I usually walk every day and sleep at least seven or eight hours a night. I’ve also taken a few afternoon naps. But during the contract, I was so overtired I couldn't unwind enough to sleep at all. It's a recurring pattern.

I’ve been thinking about Nan Burton in my new book, Ghost Writer. She’s stuck in a house with a noisy ghost, and he won’t let her sleep until she does what he wants her to do.

At least when she finally goes out to the beach to get away from Max (the ghost), she can get to sleep. But I wake ridiculously early, my mind running at warp speed. I think of all the writing I have to do, bills to pay, email to answer, etc. Then I lie awake trying to nod off, but it’s usually useless. After an hour, I usually just give up, get up, and turn on the computer.

Of course, back into the routine of exercise and a regular schedule, I'm starting to catch up. We're scheduled for some speaking engagements and other events in the next few months, but I should have a bit more discretionary time.

Does anyone know any good secrets for getting to sleep—and staying asleep? Melatonin doesn’t work for me, and I am very resistant to taking medications. Other than retirement without commitment (not likely), I’d appreciate any suggestions.

Why I Love Facebook

Okay, I admit it. I’m an addict. I got onto Facebook several years ago when a marketing pro said that, as authors, we had to have a visible web presence including a website, Twitter, My Space, Facebook, etc. I’ve since all but abandoned My Space and only occasionally tweet, but I’m very active on Facebook. Why?

1. I’ve reconnected with family members I haven’t seen for many years, including one cousin I’d never met. We’ve formed new bonds, which would have been impossible without this resource. In comparing notes, all of us have learned a great deal about our shared history.
2. I’ve found old friends. I’m now in touch with grammar school and high school pals, most of whom I haven’t seen since graduation. I had lunch with two of them a week ago, and we had the best time! I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.
3. It’s a great way of spreading important news. Recently the daughter of our friends died unexpectedly and much too young. She was my friend on Facebook. So as soon as I got the word, I posted the news to her page. What a great forum for sharing our collective shock and grief. Many of her friends and family left notes and remembrances. I was able to publish the time and date of her service, and the turnout was overwhelming. Her folks were able to post their thanks there as well as the information about a memorial fund created for her sons. All of this contact would have been impossible using normal methods.
4. We can share common experiences – positive and negative. When my friends experience a special event, I know about it and can celebrate with them. When there is difficulty, I can experience that as well. Many calls for prayer have been shared as well as births, deaths, and everything in between.
5. I can remain in touch with former coworkers. Most of the companies I’ve worked for no longer exist, but many colleagues from those firms are my friends on Facebook. Several of those organizations were like extended families. We grieved the loss of the companies, but even more, we grieved the loss of those treasured daily relationships. By seeing the posts from each other, we can maintain a sense of connectedness. Sharing recent photos and events makes it seem as though we’ve never been separated.
6. We can share history. A couple of the sites I enjoy are those established for those of us who attended the same high school and grew up in the same town. The shared memories and photos really bring back wonderful memories. Photos and information are posted about friends, neighbors, and classmates who are lost, and we can share our special memories of them.
7. Keeping our fans aware of our current writing projects. We send announcements of the publication of our books to our mailing list, but we are able to let our friends know about our progress on our current work through Facebook. It is a long time between new books, but we can keep interest active by reminding our readers of what they can look forward to in the near future.

Social networks have revolutionized how we interact with each other by providing immediate connection never before possible. I, for one am delighted to have this means of connecting with friends.