Remembering Kae

 

Kae Komiyama came into our lives as part of a homestay. In prior years, we had hosted five other young ladies from Japan and one from Spain for this six-to-eight-week English-intensive program. Our close friend, Terri, was the coordinator and teacher. Students were housed in individual homes and became part of their families for the time of their stay. In our case, they have remained part of our family.

For this group, our student was Fumiko. Our daughter, Kim, who lived about five blocks away at the time, hosted Ikue. And her neighbors, Ceil and Keith, hosted Kae. I said we got three for the price of one in this group because they spent a great deal of time together—often at our house.

My mother was living with us at the time, and she often provided transportation for the girls. She couldn’t remember their Japanese names, so she identified them by their personal characteristics: Fumiko was “the funny one,” because of her ready sense of humor. Ikue was “the little one,” because she was short like our daughter, Kim. Kae was “the pretty one” because she was beautiful. Mom adored them all.

L-R: Kim, Kae, Ikue, Fumiko, me

One evening, they fixed dinner for all of their host families. Another evening, they put on a fashion show. Kae and Fumiko wore my formal clothing, and Ikue wore Kim’s. Kae’s host mother did their hair and makeup. Such fun memories!

Ikue, Kae, Fumiko

Being silly with Dad: Fumiko, Kae, Ikue with Larry

It was hard to say goodbye to this group, but we hoped we would see them again when we moved to Japan the following August.

Saying Goodbye: Kae, me, Ikue, Fumiko

In April of 1999, Kim and Mom came to visit us in Japan. We would spend a total of 31 months there building the Universal Studios Japan theme park. While they were there, we celebrated Larry’s birthday, and Kae and her then-boyfriend (and future husband), Toshi, were in attendance.

Kae, Toshi, Kim

Larry blowing out his candles

During our time in Japan, they visited about once a month. They arrived with no agenda except to be with us. Although we saw all but one of our Japanese daughters while we lived there, we saw Kae and Toshi the most.

We returned to California in the spring of 2001. Toshi had a job which required him to come to the US a couple of times a year on business. He always tried to extend his trips so he could spend a few days with us. He sometimes brought Kae with him.

One day in late October of 2003, we received a message from them. They had been married in Japan. Like many other countries in the world, they went to the city hall, filled out the paperwork, and left officially married. The wedding, however, was a separate occasion.

“Mom, we want to have our wedding in Orange County. We will arrive on December 28.”

They wanted an American wedding. What the heck was that?

We had a few questions.

Church or at the park where Larry’s brother had been married? Church. (When our kids stayed with us, they attended church with us on Sundays, despite the fact that the Japanese don’t really practice any religion.)

The pastor was Larry’s best friend, and they had met him several times before. They wanted him to marry them. Religious or secular ceremony? Religious.

They didn’t need a license since they were already married, but they insisted. They wanted one stating that they were married in Orange County. Toshi had already done his homework and found that he could complete all the paperwork online and pick up the license in Santa Ana. They went straight from the airport to the city hall and picked it up.

Kae’s brother was coming with them and he would be Toshi’s best man. Kim would be Kae’s maid of honor. I mentioned that here, it was traditional for the father of the bride to walk her down the aisle. “Do you think Dad would do it?”

Silly question. Of course, he would. But he no longer owned a suit. When he left the engineering company where he’d worked for over 30 years, he donated all of his suits. We had to rush out and get a 3-day suit so he could be the father of the bride. (Kae’s father had died when she was quite young. I think I identified with her because I had lost mine at a young age, too.)

The wedding came off without a hitch, and it was beautiful.

Mom, Kae, Toshi, Dad

On our anniversary, September 4 of 2010, our phone rang at about 3:00 a.m. Toshi could barely speak because he was so upset. “Kae collapsed. She may not make it.”

“We’ll put her on the church prayer chain, and we will pray for her, too.”

Of course, I went to pieces as soon as we hung up.

She’d had an aneurism. The neurosurgeon who treated her (the best one in all of Japan) later told Toshi he would have given her less than 5% chance of survival. However, Toshi posted a picture on her Caring Bridge site on her birthday, October 16, of her jumping on her bed. Her doctor could not explain how she had recovered with only slight impairment. He called it a miracle.

Of course, I was worried about her until the following March when we went back to Japan for the 10^th anniversary of the opening of USJ. Kae and Toshi came down to Osaka and spent several days with us. It felt so good to hug Kae and tell her how much we loved her. Even more important, we got to see how well she was.

A couple of years after her aneurism, Kae attended culinary school at Cordon Bleu in Tokyo. With a lot of help from Toshi, she graduated. Quite an accomplishment!

In 2015 when they next visited, she brought her chef’s coat and toque and cooked a gorgeous four-course dinner for us and four other couples. Magnificent!

Chef Kae and Ruth

She wouldn’t have been able to handle the fast-paced schedule in a restaurant, but she started her own cooking school at home. She taught private lessons to small groups of women and thoroughly enjoyed it.

They continued to visit often, and we kept in touch through email, text, and Facebook.

Then in April of last year, when she was supposed to be starting a college course toward her MBA, Toshi sent me a message: “Kae might have pancreatic cancer.”

Unfortunately, she did, and Toshi fought to get her the treatment she required. I assured him I had two prayer chains praying for her with some of the same people who had prayed for her before.

She underwent surgery and chemotherapy, and more experimental treatment Toshi researched. He wanted to bring her to see us, but her doctor would not clear her for plane travel following surgery to place a drain.

Meanwhile, Toshi’s father died, so he had his hands full dealing with that and caring for Kae.

She was finally cleared to fly, and he brought her on September 29 for ten days. She still had a drain in place.

After we returned from the airport, she came in the front door, looked around, smiled at me, and said, ”Mom, I’m home.”

This both touched me and broke my heart because I knew more than anywhere else in the world, this truly was her home, and we truly were her family.

They were joined a couple of days later by her best friend from high school, Ayumi.

This was Kae’s “bucket list” trip. She had about six or seven items she wanted to do while she was here. And she did all of them and more, including a final trip to Disneyland.

She looked much better by the time they left. And she was happy.

Kae with wig at the church where they were married

A couple of weeks later, I received a message from Toshi. They had been to see her doctor, and he told them she probably had only four to six weeks left. His last line, however, really broke my heart: I’m sorry. Mom. I couldn’t save her.

On the morning of December 20 at about 10:00 a.m. our time, Toshi messaged me: Kae loses consciousness…hope she comes back. I began to pray for both of them and continued throughout the morning.

We went to Larry’s brother’s house for lunch to deliver his family’s Christmas presents. I had the ringer turned off on my phone, but Larry’s was on. He had an incoming call. “I don’t recognize this number.”

I did. “I know the country code. It’s Toshi.”

“She’s gone.”

I had been thinking about what would happen afterward and suggested he might think about bringing some or all of her ashes here to spread in the ocean off Dana Point, her true home.

“I have a written note from her. This is what she wants.”

So, he will bring her back this spring and we will take her out to sea after a small memorial service at the church where they were married and many people prayed for her, both when she had her aneurism and this past year. She’ll be with Grandma, who truly was the only grandparent she had.

We will love her always. She was truly our daughter.